LifeTango.com Blog

Have you ever assisted someone, and even though you didn’t help out because you wanted a “thank you” you nevertheless felt a little slighted when the other person didn’t say thanks. Or can you remember a time when you didn’t expect a “thanks” and yet someone expressed heart-felt appreciation for your help? Do you remember how that made you feel?

The words “thank you” are so easy to say and yet so often unspoken. And it seems that a “thank you note”? while not lost to antiquity, is nevertheless a rare occurrence these days.

So the LifeTango Challenge for the week is simply this:

Write a “Thank You” note and give it to someone who has helped you recently.

If you want to adopt this goal, simply click on the following link and then choose “Adopt This Goal” in the upper-left-hand corner of the screen.

Write_A_Thank_You_Note

And let me be the first to say “thanks”to those who have started using LifeTango.com.

Brent

As a kid growing up in the 70s, I vividly remember neighborhood BBQs, block parties, and sidewalk conversations between my parents and the neighbors. But as a parent of the new millennium, it seems like I hardly know my neighbors. Sure, we wave and say hi, but the friendship my parents had with their neighbors seems nothing like the relationship I have with mine.

I live in a larger city than I lived in growing up. Could it be that the “big city”  simply isn’t as sociable, Sure. Could it be the I’m just not as friendly as my parents? (Do I have to answer that?) And could garage door openers have anything to do with it?

When I was growing up, to open the garage door, my parents had to put the car in park and get out of the car to open the garage door. As a result, they’d often just leave the car in the driveway, which meant they at least spent a little more time “out front” which gave them more opportunities to chat with the neighbors. By comparison, I get up in the morning, hit the garage door opener from within my car, pull out and close the garage door from within my car and drive away. The reverse happens when I return home–as I approach the house, I hit the garage door opener, wave at my neighbor, and disappear into my garage, letting the door close behind me with another press of the button.

Now I’m not trying to be a sociologist. Ultimately, I don’t know what factors are contributing to more isolated communities. But regardless of the contributing factors, I can think of one antidote hence a new LifeTango Challenge:

Get to know a friend, neighbor, or family better.

To add this goal to your own list, simply click on the following link and then click on “Adopt This Goal” in the upper right-hand corner.

Get_To_Know_A_Friend_Neighbor_Or_Family_Better

Pick someone in your neighborhood or community who you would like to get to know better and invite them over for dinner, to play games, to socialize–whatever you like. The key is: start or strengthen a friendship.

Brent

Welcome to Tango Tips–the blog for LifeTango.com. The purpose of these articles is to be entertaining AND to give you education and advice to help you accomplish your goals.

In addition to sharing inspiring or humorous stories and examples, we’ll also include key learnings from studies and research on goals, and we’ll tag each article to make it easier for you to find information you’re interested in. For example, if you want to quickly see all the articles written on the value of sharing your goals with others, just click on the “Share” link in the list of “Categories” to the right.

In addition to clicking on topics in the list of categories, you can also search our archive of articles.  Just enter the keyword(s) you are interested in in the search box in the upper-right-hand corner of the screen and click Search.

Best wishes!

Brent

If you look in the right-hand column of this page (toward the top of the page), you’ll see a list of “Categories.” One of the categories is “LifeTango Challenges.” Roughly once each week, LifeTango will suggest a challenge or goal for LifeTango members to adopt. Hopefully these will be inspiring, commendable, or just plain fun, and by having LifeTango members like you accept these challenges, we hope we can make the world a little better place for all of us.

To view past challenges, just click on LifeTango Challenges in the category list.

A year ago, a group of co-workers and I decided we wanted to lose a little weight, so we designed an 8-week challenge. We each put $20 into the pot, and at the end of the 8 weeks, the person who had lost the most weight (as a percentage of his or her starting weight) would get half the pot, second place would get 30%, and third place would get the remaining 20%.

The level of involvement was amazing. Most of the participants stayed engaged throughout the challenge, and by the end, the 10 of us who had participated had lost a combined 150 lbs.

Our challenge illustrates what goal studies have proven: REWARDS MOTIVATE. “Researchers have . . . found that extrinsic rewards such as bonuses can increase people’s commitment,” writes Christine Brain in Advanced Psychology: Applications, Issues & Perspectives (© 2002, p. 135).

Here are some ideas on ways to reward yourself for accomplishing a goal:

1. Find a challenge that already exists that offers an award for accomplishing your goal. (For example, if you want to get in great shape, check out www.bodyforlife.com.)
2. Create a challenge. Talk with friends and family to see if others want to accomplish a goal similar to yours, or search the LifeTango community to find individuals with similar goals, then create a challenge with a prize for the winner.
3. Identify a reward for accomplishing your goal, tell a friend or family member, and then give him or her the money for the prize with a commitment that you’ll only get the money back if you accomplish your goal.
4. Identify a reward and promise yourself you’ll only get the reward if you accomplish your goal.  Even if you don’t give the money for the reward to another person, tell others about your goal and the reward you’ve promised yourself. That way, if you don’t accomplish your goal, and you told others you’d only get a new video iPod if you accomplished your goal, you won’t exactly be able to go buy that new video iPod without getting razzed by your friends.

I haven’t rubbed shoulders with a lot of celebs. In fact, the only celebrity I’ve ever even met was James Caviezel (from The Passion of the Christ, High Crimes, The Count of Monte Cristo, Frequency [a personal favorite of mine], etc.). And admittedly I only knew him before he was a celebrity (we went to high school together).

But this isn’t about James or celeb sightings. Rather, because I haven’t rubbed shoulders with a lot of celebrities, I never really thought about the fact that when you become rich and famous, people come out of the woodwork to ask you for things.

Last night, I had the opportunity of meeting a guy on a business flight. In the course of our conversation, I learned that he has a cousin who plays in the NBA, and he mentioned that his cousin gets calls all the time from people he used to know asking for things. He said his cousin has returned home to find as many as 32 voicemail messages asking for money or gifts.

As I was driving home from the airport, I found myself thinking “Why is there so much focus on ‘getting,’ and so little focus on ‘giving.’?” How much different would our world be if we were all more focused on asking how we could help others instead of asking others if they could do something for us?

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying there aren’t times when it’s appropriate to ask for help. But as my traveling companion noted, these weren’t 32 requests for food to feed kids because someone had lost their job, or financial assistance due to an unforseen medical emergency. These were requests for Rolexes and other luxuries.

So this week’s LifeTango Challenge is to set a goal to:

Each month, look for one way to give rather than receive

To “adopt” this goal, simply click on the following link. On the resulting screen, click on “Adopt This Goal” in the upper left-hand column.

Each_Month_Look_For_One_Way_To_Give_Rather_Than_Receive

It could mean volunteering for a community or religious organization. It could mean helping a neighbor. Whatever it is, look for one way to give something back to those around you–whether it be your family, your neighborhood, your community, your church, your country, or the world.

And if you have great experiences (and I believe many of you will), email me at brentj@lifetango.com and let me know.

Brent